Trauma is more common than people think, and it happens when people have to survive experiences that they can’t fully process. Many people don’t know they suffer from trauma, especially if they tell themselves that their experiences “weren’t as bad” as other people’s, or if their trauma doesn’t look like the stereotypes in movies.

Some people have trauma from a childhood that felt unsafe or unpredictable, or when they, as children, had to take on parental roles and responsibilities.

Some people have trauma from experiences of abuse or assault, and women will often minimize these experiences because of a culture that has made them seem normal;

Others have trauma from less obvious experiences of feeling emotionally unprepared and helpless, and these cause negative self perceptions and anxiety that over time start to feel normal and lead to other issues, like depression.

For many with trauma, the idea of life without anxiety is unimaginable, especially when anxiety and negative perceptions of one’s self have seemed useful in getting through each day.  This is the way that trauma affects people, but it doesn’t have to.  Trauma is something that can be identified, processed, and worked through in a safe and trusting therapeutic environment… let’s talk.

Menopause - “You’re So Grown Up!”

It’s no secret that bodies develop and change over a lifetime. Babies get bigger, grow up, learn to walk, and begin exploring the world. As parents, we encourage our child’s questions because we want them to grow and explore, and we want them to feel supported while they do it. We ask them, “What do you think this is?” or “How does this feel?” When our children are worried or scared we give them explanations/answers, telling them things to help them understand more about what’s normal, and what they can expect from life. 

Parents are also eager to brag or share about a child’s new stage of development and celebrate these stages as victories and give praise like, “Yay! Look at you!” and say, “You’re so grown-up!” 

We also know that adolescence is a normal part of growing up, considering it a type of new beginning; sexuality and adulthood brings new responsibilities. The changes may be scary for both the child and the parent(s) but, ideally, we talk about it and answer their questions.

Likely, we aren’t bragging to our friends about these new changes but we’ll often share our worries and commiserate with each other, something like, “Wow, you won’t believe what happened!”. Still, we talk about the changes.

When a woman’s body transitions into menopause it’s not so much a time of bragging. “Hey girl, my vagina is soooo dry!” or “I haven’t wanted sex in forever… and I miss it.” or “I haven’t had sex in forever… and I don’t miss it.”.

Menopause isn’t the time of life that we share with our kids either, so that they might know better what to expect. Yet, menopause is a stage of life that every woman who is born with a uterus and fallopian tubes goes through, yet most often it’s not something we talk about. Likely, we don’t have the experience to know how to talk about it because our mother’s and grandmother’s probably didn’t talk about it with us.

When we don’t talk about major changes in our life we feel alone with them and are more likely to worry that no one else feels the way we do.

So, reach out and let’s talk about it. Maybe we can even celebrate some parts! 

There’s no perfect parent, though I’ll bet that that’s what you’re trying to be. You may not have said those words, “I want to be perfect,” but you’re really hard on yourself when you feel like you’ve made parenting mistakes. You wonder where you went wrong. Always figuring and re-figuring how you could have done things better. We get mixed up ideas about what “better” is. 

There’s no ideal child or ways that our child should behave that is the best way. If our child always did the things that we thought were best, would they be the ideal child then? We certainly weren't perfect when we were children, and we didn’t have the perfect parents.

We want to give our children what we wish we could have had; these may be particular opportunities or things or relationships. You name it. If you take a minute and think about it, these are the things that WE wanted for ourselves, but our world is different, and our parents are different than we are. We are different people. When we consider it, we know that everyone in the world is different from one another, so why are we raising our children as if she or he were a mini-me?

Children need rules and routines to keep them safe as they explore their own individuality. We should guide them and teach them about social relationships, and how people deserve respect and how to be respectful. Values like these are important and help keep the world from feeling too unpredictable. A consistent set of values can help an often unpredictable world feel more predictable to us. When we have strong values to live our life by, we have solid ground to stand on. We don’t feel untethered. It’s what keeps us rooted so that we can branch out and grow into the people that we choose to be. 

There’s no ideal plan for life either, so it’s never too late to figure out what our plan and values are. It’s easy to forget this and feel angry or disappointed in ourselves because we falsely imagined the ways we “should” have been and the things we should have done. Honestly though, it really is about the journey and not the destination because how we behave is who we are. 

Heal your own mental health first, this way you can parent better. You’re looking for some help. It’s fantastic that you’re right here, right now, figuring out how to make changes. Let’s do it together. Don't worry, I’ve got your back.